Aloha

I am going to Hawaii tomorrow. I should be packing; I should be packed. Instead I am writing a post about the fact that I should be packing (packed) instead of actually doing it. I've lost the motivation after looking at the disaster that is my house and get that feeling of throwing in the towel for the night. I don't want to do that either because I'll wake up tomorrow morning with that sense of panic that nothing has been done. I won't be able to enjoy the morning getting my daughter ready to join her grandparents in tropical paradise.

I must say I am soooo excited. I've never been either and I can't wait. I want to go snorkeling. I want to see Pearl Harbor. I want to take one of those cool pictures of the sun setting over the ocean. I wanted to see a volcano but it's my understanding that there are no active ones on Oahu. Oh, well. I want to come home burnt crispy (while my husband and daughter are nice rich brown) and with tons of crap jammed into my suitcase that wasn't there when we left. And I want a camera full of pictures I can use to justify the really cute tiki scrapbooking set I found on eBay the other day.

To eBay or Not to eBay

I am not allowing myself to eBay. eBay is a very, very bad thing. eBay shows me way too much stuff I would love to buy but don't have the ability to justify the expense. AAAHHHHHH!!!! Spending withdrawl, spending withdrawl. We have been so tight these last few weeks I have not allowed myself out of my apartment without my husband for fear I'll take a quick trip to the mall, to Michaels or Joanns, or to Walmart. It was all innocent. I wanted to find scrapbooking supplies to do layouts for my upcoming vacation, and before me like a mountain of Dove chocolates is all the Hawaiian scrapbooking I could handle. Tears of frustration well up in my eyes. Sometimes I wish I had chosen a less expensive hobby. But it's too late now. I have the fever for brads, stickers, textured paper, stamps and gluesticks.

Say What???

I'm posting again today because I heard something so ridiculous on the radio, I laughed out loud in my car.

Brittney Spears had her baby today by c-section. When asked why she was having a c-section instead of delivering vaginally, do you know what she said? "Because I don't like to be in pain." Whaaaaa??? Sucker. Yet again Ms. Spears is a perfect representative of the sterotype for the fair-haired. In pain? You couldn't have chosen a worse option. I had my own child by c-section. Not by choice. She was in distress when my OBGYN and I decided on surgery. I would have much rather taken the vaginal/epidural route. At least your in a labor at the most for a few hours. You're in serious pain with a c-section for several DAYS!! Her idiocy amazes me, and that we continue to support this idiocy by buying her albums makes me wonder - who is the bigger fool, the fool or the fool who follows him (or her in this case)?

Morning Sunshine!

Imagine waking up to this sweet face every morning? I could not drag myself out of bed this morning even though I have the excitement of going to Hawaii in less than 4 days. It's that all-around crappy feeling. I pulled myself out of bed and could hear my little girl cry-talking to herself in the other room. I opened the door to behold this adorable face look up at me from over the crib railing. How did I get so lucky? That smile made it all worth dragging my cruddy bum out of bed.

Jack and I talked last night again about starting my Close to My Heart business. I'm so frustrated. Ever since I announced I was planning on doing it, so many people have approached me with an interest in buying from me. I should have kept my mouth shut. I'm hoping we can work out the financial part of it after we get back from Hawaii. Please bless that this thing gets started before Christmas!

It's funny because starting my own scrapbooking consultant business was born of my desire to stay home with my daughter. I know that I can go anywhere with it. At the same time, a small fear popped up last night as my husband and I talked about it. What if all these people who say they are so interested, when it comes right down it, aren't so interested? What if the only person buying things from me is me? What if we kill ourselves trying to get this $150 put together only to have me fail miserably, leaving me feel like it was a big waste of money and effort? I could drive myself crazy thinking about all the negative things, and I keep telling myself that I need to just take that leap of faith, try it and go forward with as much ambition, motivation, and dedication as I've been telling myself I need to have all these years. I doing it for Maddy but I'm doing it mostly for me. My vow - I will not disappoint myself!!!